LalaLime brings inspiration everytime!

I have found a WONDERFUL blog that I visit as often as I remember to! Every time I visit I have to read back to the last time i visited b/c she is such an inspiration to me!!!
She is a Christian, a wife, a mom, a digi-scrapbooker, an artist, and a TRUE inspiration to me on a regular basis...
If you are interested in visiting her site here is the address! http://lalalime.blogspot.com/
She designs and graciously shares great bits and baubles, "alphas" (letter/number elements), and so much more on there....
Be blessed!

Good Morning Starshine!!!! His Word said HELLO!

:)
Actually first I want to thank anyone who was praying for me after my last post...prayers were starting to be answered the next morning as a matter of fact!!!
Have you ever had so MUCH blessing you get overwhelmed?! I had that happen the very next day (last thursday)...
As everyone knows I have been doing an ongoing study in what God wants of me as a Christian, Wife, and Mother....in essence what He wants of me so that I can be what He wants me to be to those around me :)....but I got so caught up in the technicalities that I almost forgot that He loves ME ME ME ME ME just as much :)....I was focusing so much on having to know that I can be joyful in any situation, that i forgot to be joyful!
Thursday morning I woke up, prayed, got the kids on the bus, and settled in with my "Finding the Hero In Your Husband" book and my Bible....before i even started reading I had this nagging in my heart to go get a book i bought several months ago (The Power of a Praying WOMAN)....I have already read "The Power of a Praying WIFE" so i just kinda set this 2nd book aside thinking "how different can it be?!...i mean really c'mon, it is by the same author, and praying is praying right?...." wow how could i have been any more wrong!!!
This book is all about praying for ME and MY NEEDS! (which i still stand firm, and this book reiterates it, that God is all we NEED...people and things are not here to fulfill our needs, they are here to help us be whole ONLY through God's leading!)....anyway I didn't even get all the way through the intro of the book before i was so overwhelmed with AH HA moments and such a sense of being important to God and loved beyond measure!...I had to stop taking notes, thank God for His revelations, and then put my studies away b/c I couldn't process it all!!!.....
I am now feeling better and finished up the intro this morning and wow....that is all i can say...wow.....ok yeah well ok that is not ALL i can say b/c i plan on sharing some of the "ah ha" moments with you :)....
How often are we like Mary (Luke 10) when we need to be like Martha?Mary rushed around the house cleaning and preparing for Jesus' visit...she got flustered and anxious and all worked up...when Jesus got to the home where her and Martha lived she became furious with Martha b/c Martha stopped what she was doing and sat at the LORD's feet...."Jesus!!! aren't you going to tell that lazy sister of mine to get up and clean instead of sitting there at your feet doing nothing?!"....(ok this is very paraphrased if you can't tell :P)...Jesus answered her by telling her that Martha had it right, why be anxious and run and run and run trying to do what we think we MUST do to prepare for Him when the FIRST step to preparing is listening to Him and just loving Him....
Now Jesus did not tell her "sit here and never do anything but sit..."....and I am sure that Martha had plenty to complete after her initial time with Jesus when He arrived....but she did not let herself get worked up over it....
For me this story just reminds me that when i am getting flustered and overwhelmed doing what the Bible says to do for myself and everyone else in preparation for His visit and eventually His return, I need to stop and sit at the feet of the One who is there!
Ok i will stop there for today even though that is only the FIRST thought in the study from the other day....lol...
I love you all and would love to hear of any studies or "ah ha" moment you have had this last week :)

prayers needed...got any?

it has been a few days since I last posted a blog. I have not done well at all in sticking to my goals this week :( and i really need some honest hard prayers...
I can really feel myself struggling again...struggling not to feel depressed....struggling not to be angry and self focused...struggling to focus on God and not mike....the thing that bugs me the most with it all is that i KNOW that if i just keep my focus on God and on His will that i will be joyful again!...that is where i need your help...will you come together in agreement with me that God is going to once again reveal Himself to me so that I can continue doing His will?...Also, in my flesh, I cry out and question what is going on that mike does not seem to feel or care what God thinks about any of this? I sometimes feel like God has stepped away for a minute and that things just are not getting better....
having said that, i realize that it is me, not God, who has stepped away...I just need a boost, a sign, a prayer SOMETHING to let me know that God's will is taking hold in my marriage...please pray for me....

Psalm 31:9 and 10 says
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction *(or guilt)*,
and my bones grow weak.

but verse 22 describes me best at this moment...
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.


I realize that this is just a time that b/c of my own spiritual lack of maturity, I have momentarily lost sight of Him (like when you were a kid and couldn't see your mom/dad in the midst of a crowd, and even though they were directly beside you, you begin to panic b/c YOU lost sight of THEM...but since they had never taken their eyes off of you in the crowd, when you cried out they reached out and picked you up...) so pray that I refocus soon, that as I am crying out (and you are crying out in agreement with me) that God will reach down and pick me up and reassure me that He was there the whole time....

so my prayer? That God will reveal Himself to me again in such a way as to let me know that I am in His will (I kinda feel like i must be b/c it seems that the enemy is coming at me full force)...and that God will reveal to Mike what a wonderful man, husband, and father he has the capacity to be if he will submit to God's will...he IS a really good man, husband, and father, but I know through prayer and study that God has SO much more in store for Mike if he will only allow God to do what He desires in our lives...Last but not least, i am praying for my kids to see the blessings that God provides for those who are faithful to Him and to His word and His commands so that when they come up against things that seem hard, they will choose God's path as opposed to what seems like the path of least resistance...can you be praying in agreement with me on these things? it says in Matthew 18:19-21 that
19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
will you be my "two or three?"....
I love all of you...

10 Things.....

sigh, this weekend was not so great in relation to keeping up MY goals :(...Mike and I had a huge meltdown friday night that bled over to saturday morning...I do see his side (I ask questions like a 2 yr old...meaning "but why?"..."ok yeah, but why?" and until i feel like my question has been answered satisfactorily or completely i don't stop...) and I see my side of course, that the only way I feel like I can come to any conclusion is to get a complete answer and the only way I know to get a complete answer is to ask more questions! You could see how this could easily cause a vicious cycle that would leave both of us worn down and fatigued and how that could easily get our focus off of God and allowing HIM to work through us...I ask a question, Mike "sorta" answers in my opinion (one word is a sufficient answer in his opinion as in many men i am sure), so I ask another question about the answer to the first question, he answers but with attitude so I ask what the attitude is about he says it is b/c i ask the same question over and over I say its b/c i can't get a complete answer he says ....well you get the idea...eventually I am left standing there enraged and crying and he is totally ticked off and has said things that he "doesn't mean"....sigh anyway that was how our weekend started off...friday and sat were really really hard for me and I was completely focused on me and my hurts and my fears and it spilled over to my kids even :(....
BUT remember that in Psalm 30 that it says "...weeping endures for a moment, but joy comes in the morning..." (actually tomorrow's blog will probably be on Psalm 30, good stuff I tell ya!)...well my weeping endured for a day but joy came on Sunday morning thanks to another spot-on sermon and fellowship with our church family AND thanks to Michael...so, I know I had more than one "unloving" thought toward Mike friday and saturday so my blog today is 10 Things I love about him....(I was going to do 100 to make up for all the hurts and anger I felt toward him, but didn't figure you all would want to read 100 of them, but trust me, i have thought them *smiles*)...
What I love about Mike (not in any particular order and definitely not a complete list).... 1. He is a great provider financially...he rarely misses work, and does what he can to provide all the things we need and want...a lot of men refuse to work, or leave the main providing to the wife... 2. He rough houses and plays with the kids every day...whether it is wrestling with the boys on the living room floor or tucking in one of Tink's "babies" he always takes time out of his day to purposefully play with the kids, a lot of men plop on the couch and shoo the kids off like flies, but not my man... 3. Mike does 97% of the laundry in the house, i mean washing/drying/folding/putting away...I am not joking...he doesn't leave dirty socks or underwear strung all over the place, in fact he reminds the kids and I not to leave dirty clothes laying around...yeah, how many guys do the laundry for a family of 5? mine does *smiles* 4. He has gorgeous eyes...I love the color of his eyes esp when he is being (or getting ready to be) mischeiveous...they just sparkle! (he has brown eyes btw) 5. He is a "fix-it" kinda guy...he has taught himself to do minor electric work (which is by no means MINOR considering the time it takes to do it right), he has completely redone the basement walls that had to be torn out (not the concrete walls, the plasterboard ones)...he has learned to paint/paper/trim walls...he has laid flooring and is getting ready to redo our kitchen floor...he has installed cabinets and is getting ready to install more at the end of the month... 6. He is organized whereas I am not...for the most part he knows where everything is b/c he usually puts it all back...which leads to my next thing 7. He pays all the bills and keeps track of all our records...he keeps the checkbook balanced, the bills paid up, and makes sure that all our important papers are in order... 8. He twirls his hair...lol yeah actually twirls it...esp when he is stressed or thinking...also that is how i know that he is showing me affection, he will twirl MY hair if i am near him...and i LOVE it... 9. He goes to church with us...usually (not always but a lot of the time) if he is not working, he goes to most services with us... 10. He is involved in the "taxi-ing" of our kids from one thing to another...if he is not working, he usually is the one to make sure lane makes it to most of his "appointments" as it were...tae kwon do, guitar lessons, fitness certification class...and he will with both boys when baseball season starts...
Like I said, you may look at that list and say "um huh?...none of those are THAT important...." but I can guarantee that those are things I would horribly miss if he didn't do/have them!!!
My goal for this week is to keep up with my 3 goals from last week (cleaning, working out, no nagging....meeting his needs) AND to add the goal of every time I think/say something negative about him, I have to think/say 2 nice things....if i just think them, then just thinking the nice things is fine, but if i say something that does not edify, but instead tears down my husband to someone else (even something minor like "ugh he gets on my nerves") then I need to verbalize to THAT person 2 positive things for every 1 negative that i spoke...I will do this in a way that is not like "crud, i said this so now i HAVE to tell you..." instead if i say "ugh he gets on my nerves" then I will say "oh yeah, mike took us out to lunch yesterday...I didn't ask him if we could, the kids didn't ask him if we could, he just said how bout it"....get the idea?
also, i am adding another goal...that is to try to not say anything hatefully to him "you never....you always....why can't you....I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID...." instead when i feel my blood pressure rising and my blood boiling I will say "I love you..."....i won't argue with him, i will just repeat it "I love you Mike..." even if i have to say it 200 times, I am going to try to respond to any feelings of anger/hurt/disappointment i might have with "i love you"....we are to have authority over our feelings and through God we can!
praying you all have a great monday!!! love and hugs!

Family Roadtrip!!! Current mood: cheerful
Ok today I am going to blog on an example of how I see my marriage...and maybe how you can view yours to decide what you want...now I am going to use examples involving children, but for those of you without kids, it would be similar even for you (lol your destination just might not be Disneyland)....
I am a VERY capable driver...in fact, a lot of times I actually like driving...but if we were going on a family vacation, chances are, I would hand that task over to Mike...I would handle maps, get snacks for the kids, mediate the bickering in the backseat...in essencse I would handle all the things mike couldn't easily handle from the drivers seat...I mean it is possible that he COULD look at a map, watch the kids, hand out snacks, put an end to the fights, AND drive, but chances are there would be close calls or even an accident if he did!
Anyway, I have the map in front of ME (much like we have the Bible, God's Word in front of us)...we come up on our first exit and I say "hun...we need to take this exit..."....either he is ignoring me or he doesn't hear me b/c he just keeps right on driving, not even flinching as the exit passes by in a blur....hm...ok maybe he just didn't hear me so before the next exit, a lil louder I say "um Mike...Mike...we need to turn here so that we can get back on track..." this time he looks at me and says "Fantacy...I know what I am doing...I can do this on my own, you don't have to nag me sheesh..."....exit 2 comes and we still keep going in the wrong direction....by the 3rd exit I am furious and exasperated b/c i KNOW we are headed for someplace that we didn't plan on going, maybe he will just drive til we starve or drive into the ocean!!! so i get mad "MICHAEL, turn here NOW or that is IT...we will never make it to Disneyland, the kids will be disappointed, I will be disappointed...don't you care?!" he completely tunes me out b/c now I have become an annoyance to him and he is being "manly" and doing things HIS way even though I have the map and can show him very specifically the route we laid out in the beginning of our planning (hm kinda like when you get married and have it "all figured out")....finally after about 4 hours of going the wrong way, getting further and further from the promised vacation I notice that he is getting a bit tired or he may even say "lets stop here and you can drive for a minute"....(keep in mind our husbands may at some point get spiritually fatigued, esp. if they are not in the RIGHT spirit, the Spirit of God...and we have to walk the fine line between submission and leadership with the guidance of God...but yes, we can still do both)...Anyway, now YOU have the map AND the wheel....if you have studied the map, you have a good portion of it already in your head (the Bible says that we are to study His word and keep it in our heart...we are to KNOW what His word says even if it is not physically in front of us)....so as you notice him dozing in the passenger seat, you have 2 choices...do you continue going His way b/c hey if he wants a miserable vacation you can tell the kids "noooo this is what your daddy wanted" sulking and allowing yourself, your children, and surely your husband to be miserable....OR you can take the knowledge you have and begin working your way back in the right direction!Now, you COULD drive all the way back to that first missed exit or you could refer to your map and see what IT says about what to do now that you are in the spot you are in....During this time, you may still be hurt and fuming a bit by his chauvanistic attitude and his unwillingness to submit to what the map said was the right way to go but would you pull over, pick him up as he sleeps, and deposit him on the side of the road in hopes of having a "more peaceful, happier" vacation without him?...how can you justify that to your kids? how can you justify it to yourself? Chances are you would still make it to Disneyland, and there would be smiles and such from everyone, but there would be that nagging feeling that you KNOW that ditching him like that was wrong...your kids would miss the prescense of daddy...so why do we feel justified in dropping our spouse every time they fall asleep spiritually? or when they go the wrong way spiritually?....in a car we would simply take the wheel, but if we took it too forcefully or in anger, chances are we are going to be smack dab in the middle of a wreck, possibly a massive pile up, and we might not survive or our kids might have scars and wounds that will never heal quite right (us too)....So you don't drop him off on the side of the road, you simply take the wheel, the map, and you turn on the radio and begin the journey in the right direction from where you are....can you get back the 4 hours of wasted driving? nope, no matter how hard you try...is it worth reliving those 4 hours for the next 8 hours? nope, it won't change the fact that you are on the right path now, even though you are getting no help from him....The baby wakes in the back and needs her pacifier, you wonder how you are going to get the paci in the dark and still keep your eyes on the road and hands on the wheel...just then (still 1/2 asleep, and not really intentionally) hubby reaches behind the seat, gets the paci and gives it to the baby....without missing a snore or a groan, he falls right back to sleep....even in his sleep, you are going down the right road now and he helped even though it was subconsciously to him....After a long nap, he wakes up and notices you are going in a whole new direction...at first his response is "the way i was going was just fine!...."....ok this is like a choose your own adventure book (remember those?)...you can snap back, and begin pointing out all the RIGHT turns you took to correct HIS mistake...to which he snaps again...you might stay on the road or you might end up in a ditch b/c your focus has went from the narrow road to your husbands ungratefulness!...or you can keep your eyes on the road and tell him you love him...let him know you appreciate that he got the baby's pacifier (he may not even remember getting it, but you have just built him up a bit)....say, well while you were sleeping, i went over the map again in my mind, and saw a way that we could get to Disneyland with the kids...that is where we want to be isn't it? (said with love not contempt....the Bible says a contemptuous woman is like dripping rain or a leaky faucet!)...so you react this way and as he sits there a while it hits him how much better this way is...he begins to notice the beauty of this backroad...and then, he starts to realize the destination....he softens...you see that he is awake now (maybe completely, maybe almost completely) and you say "honey, do you feel up to taking the wheel again?"...when he says yes, you stop, give him a hug, thank him and swap spots again....as he pulls out of the place you parked he looks back the way you just came, toward his old direction...it is ok to gently say "um hun, remember the map says this is the best way...the only way to get to Disneyland" but don't get yourself all worked up before he even pulls out of the drive again...on the road, he may get distracted at times...kinda wonder into the other lane, or come close to the shoulder....your fear and your anxiety might spike and you might yell out in desperation, but make sure you are yelling out to God, not AT your husband...then take control of YOUR reactions, and when he straightens the car out, make sure to tell him, "boy, you KNOW i love you...don't scare me like that!"...lol just kidding....during this time though, there are bound to be moments of laughter, moments of peace where you are comforted, and a realization that you would have been sorta lonely had you dropped him at the side of the road...your kids wake up, you dole out snacks, and they still see momma and daddy both there...Finally, in the end, you reach your destination....during the vacation there are going to be times of disagreement, down times where it is not soooooooooo exciting or sooooooooooo much fun, but you look at your kids, you look at your spouse, and you look at yourself and realize that by following the map you are exactly where you headed for in the beginning...and your kids see how you handled it and 20 yrs later, they are driving to Disneyland...your boys remember how dad got them 4 hours in the wrong direction they remember how it hurt you that dad didn't follow the map, but they remember how dad finally saw that the map was right, and how he became more able to be the man they can look up to and they choose to listen when their wife says "the map says"...your daughters see their husbands going the wrong way and they remember how you handled that vacation with dad, and they lovingly step up and instead of getting mad and pouting, they gently touch their husbands shoulder and ask him to please stop and look at the map WITH them so that they can get on track more quickly, but they are strong and are able to help guide their husband b/c of the example YOU set for them...you have just created a legacy of love and understanding and here you are 20 yrs after that initial trip, watching your children enjoy THEIR children....and when their children follow that path, they will see the decisions their parents made, and adjust accordingly....that is how we raise our children up in the way...
So, did you have to submit and stay in the car while your husband was headed the wrong way? yes...Did you enable him to continue in the wrong way? no, b/c you told him what the map said, and you refused to give in and tell him to go his own way...Does part of you want to hang on to the frustration or want to feel like "yeah, it was b/c of ME" that we got there? maybe, probably, but remember that it was the MAP that guided YOU....does any of that anger, hurt, frustration outshine seeing your children, and later your children's children laughing, playing, loving, and dancing with thanksgiving that someone had a map?....no way....by the way, the mansion God has for each of us who do according to His will and His word makes Cinderella's Castle look like not much more than a busted pumpkin...
I love all y'all...let me know how you are doing!

:) Just a lil blog...

I am still praying on how to proceed with my blogs, but I am getting a sense of peace about it too and feel like I will most likely continue the Bible study/accountability thingy for those who want to read it :)....I have gotten a lot of positive feedback and I spoke with my pastor concerning my worries and he said he would continue to pray...I asked him (as he has a masters and is very educated in Biblical teachings, greek, hebrew, and aramaic) if there are other words for "submission" as there is with "love" thinking that MAYBE I could find a less "aggrevating" way to approach our roles as wives....guess what? nope....no easy way out on this one for me....so if I step on your toes or hurt your feelings with my blogs PLEASE understand it is not intentional, but also that it is not completely me...I am not saying I have all the answers, but i can say without any doubt whatsoever that the Bible does...if you disagree with something I say, please show me where I am errant and I will look into it Biblically...

I am NOT focusing on the men's role in the marriage b/c that is not between me and God...the ONLY thing between me and God is the wife's role...I am not going to be the one standing before God answering for my husband's actions, he is...I can however choose to be happy and to show my kids that we CAN be happy no matter what our circumstances are IF and ONLY if we put our full authority/faith in God...

IN any army there is a chain of command....does that mean that a private is less important on the front lines than a Sgt? or that a Sgt is less important than a General?.....no way...as Candace Cameron Bure says on her site, if we had a military full of Generals it would be CHAOS!!! the chain of command even pertained to Jesus Himself whilst He was on earth!!! "Not my will by my Father's"...

Did the people love Jesus and treat Him kindly as He was beaten beyond recognition?...uh well that question answers itself doesn't it?...He loved the church and sacrificed ALL for it even when it persecuted Him....THAT is how our husbands are supposed to love us...show your husband that....it is in Eph. 5 also....you can show him, but realize that we are NOT responsible for his behaviors, on judgement day he will have to answer for his family...not us...he will have to answer for his actions, not us...he, as the husband is responsible for his family and their spiritual/physical/emotional well being and God will hold him to that....but He will also hold us to what He demands of us through His word, are you willing to look at him and say "i just couldn't deal with it anymore, i didn't have the time to give it to You and trust You...." or are you going to look at him and say "well what did my husband do?! how did he live up to what you told him?!"...

what do you do if you catch your older kids picking on the younger ones and they say "well they started it?! they they they!!!!"....we tell them that it is not a valid reason for disobeying us....

I have heard people say "well I am miserable, my kids are miserable, my spouse is miserable, we just shouldn't be together"....trust me, no kids, no wife, no husband could have been much more miserable than those in my family...but as I have began working on ME and MY relations hip with God, my children have begun to grow also....they have learned to pray through things (although they ARE kids, so they are going to fight and fuss and such) and they don't get as depressed and angry as they did....I am happier knowing that I am in God's will so that reflects in how i react to my kids...

wow this is not just a lil one...anyway, for tonight/today think about everything you say to your kids....good or bad....when you tell them "this is what I told you to do...do it" and they get defiant and say they don't want to imagine how it makes God feel....we say and think "i have given them everything they have and they are THIS ungrateful?!"...wow, God gave us everything we have AND everything HE has!!!!! how ungrateful and disobedient have we been this week?....how can we expect our children to do what we know is best for them, when we don't do what God knows is best for us?....

ok that is my thought for the day...

OH and I have succeeded in several of my goals this past few days and it is working!!!! Mike and I have had a few lil disagreements that could have overflowed into the rest of the day/evening but we both stepped up and acted like adults, Christian adults, about it and it fizzled out SO fast...

some of you are thinking "yeah well HE acted like an adult, my husband won't..."

mike didn't for a long time after God started dealing with me on it...I would go to mike and say "why do you do this?! you KNOW how bad it hurts me and you KNOW it is wrong"...his response would be "Because I am a full grown man fantacy, and I want to...that is why, i don't have to answer to you for it".....that was his attitude over almost everything....so yeah, i know how it feels, and yeah it hurts like h*ll but I trusted in God and now (MONTHS later I am just now seeing SOME fruition to my submission to God and to my husband.....).....marriages take time to get in a mess, and sometimes take twice as long to get back on track....but if we are in God's will, it will be worth it!

Love all y'all!!!

oh yeah, this pic is of us a couple days ago (Wednesday to be exact)...keep in mind this is a couple who were in the process of working toward a divorce...he already had someone else, had moved out (after I did much to perpetuate the situation mind you), and had said there was NO hope for us....so do you still think God can't work in YOUR marriage?...do you think your situation is worse than ours was?....if so, pray about it....pray for God to reveal to you what He says in His word (not to answer YOUR prayer...not to give you what YOU want...but what HE wants and says)....it is a hard thing, but it will work if you let it....

Clarification about my blogs...

I may blog later on my Bible study from this morning, but before I go any farther, I want to clarify something that I am really feeling badly about...
I do not want any of you to think that I am saying,or have said at in point (even in my OWN thoughts) that if you do not do the things I have talked about then you are not a good Christian woman/wife/mom...that is not at all what this blog was intended to do....in fact I am really struggling wondering if the things I am saying should be said at all...I know that what I am saying in these blogs is what God has put on my heart...I know that what I am saying in these blogs is the only thing that is saving my sanity and possibly my marriage....but i NEVER want to be a stumbling block for someone else by making them feel belittled....
Please pray for me today that God will help guide me in this....I don't want my blessing to be someone else's sore point, I was simply ecstatic about what God has brought to fruition in my life and wanted to share it in hopes that if any of you are dealing with similar things, it would help...
God has literally brought my marriage back from absolute hopelessness...
For those of you who don't know, He did this after spiritual, mental, emotional, physical affairs, He did this after weekend upon weekend of drinking, He did this after a seperation that was actually put in place to devour my marriage, He did this after Mike had said "there is no hope" and after I thought it over and over...For those of you who don't know my marriage was over except for the paperwork, and I do not say that lightly....
Biblically I was given an ALLOWANCE to leave my husband, give him a certificate of divorce and go on with my life with our kids....I probably would have found someone else eventually and maybe have been just as happy as I am now in most ways...Mike and I both could have "went on with our lives" and I know that the kids and I would have been "just fine".....but by the Grace of God, and by our willingness to say "we want God's will....or at least we WANT to WANT it..." our marriage is slowly (sometimes too slow to really see, but none-the-less still moving) becoming what it should be....and not just on my end...but I can say that in the beginning (and I think Mike would attest to this, if not hun, you can tell me and I will remove this blog) it was my willingness to turn MYSELF over to God and do what He says in His word that put the wheels to reconciliation in motion...as He began changing me (and continues to change me) I was able to say to mike "i love you no matter what" but that came AFTER God made me apologize to him, love him, and say "I am going to be the wife I know God wants in order that Mike can become the husband I know God wants him to be".....I thank God daily that He convicted me of that...This blog is not meant as a cure all or as THE definitive answer...that is between you and God....if anything I have said is unBiblical, or taken out of context please tell me...I would never intentionally lead anyone astray....i love all y'all...

Pics Galore....

^Kisses for Momma^

More Kisses for Momma ;)

Kisses FROM Momma

Elijah in the Snow

Lane all bundled up

Elijah on the side of the Giant snowball

My 3 kids IN the the Giant Snowball

My 3 lookin rough

Buddies most of the time...

Pretty Profile

Momma's lil Princess...

Had enough of lookin cute...

Kitty Kisses

Momma's Beauty

Checkin out the teddy bear

So Serene

Yeah, she knows how to pose....

Looking like royalty

^Faerie Princess^

^We straightened her hair^

^ um..Love Hurts....^

^ um yeah, that is more her personality..can we say D-I-V-A?^

^ Momma's lil Cupie Doll^

Transfer Blog from Myspace

This is going to be a SUPER LONG blog entry because I am transferring my blogs from my myspace blog to here so that I can share them with anyone who wants to read them...after this one, they will probably still be long, but not REALLY long like this one :)....I put the date of the original blog and the title in bold so that you can differentiate between entries more easily....Love all Y'all!!!




Friday, January 05, 2007
what about God... Current mood: exhausted
wow i had an interesting comment made to me this morning..."you sound depressed...what about god?"....
just so that there is no question, God is as much a part now in my life as He has ever been...it is not His unwillingness to be there for me and to give me everything i need, it is my unwillingness to see my situation as being completely in His hands...
I still get down, and some days are MUCH worse than others, but I do realize that it is not b/c I am not loved by God, it is that i sometimes choose (for whatever reason or unreasonable decision) not to allow Him to have complete control...sigh...maybe some day i will learn...
Please realize though, that no matter what, God is and will always be everything He has promised to be, i just have to choose to allow Him to be that in my life...
love all...

Sunday, February 25, 2007
Something to think about (wives esp.) Current mood: Blessed (why isn't that on the list?)
and no the "esp" in the title does not refer to those things we "just know" :P....
meaning as a wife, i hope that wives particularly hear this, think about it, and pray over it...
our pastor started a series last sunday on "Desperate Households"....I have to admit, at first I thought "woo hoo he is gonna stick it to the husbands..." but in reality it made me step back and say "where can I work on my marriage even more?"....
most of you know to some extent the depths of how hard marriage can be (or at very least serious relationships)...There are so many hurts and opportunities to tear down something that God has specifically put boundaries on if we choose to let that happen....and yes i said "choose" b/c it is a definite CHOICE...I am speaking mainly to the women b/c it does say in the Bible "A wise woman builds her house up, with her hands a foolish woman tears it down" Proverbs 14:1-3...
Our pastor spoke of the "boxes" we bring into a relationship, then into marriage....we come into it with a box of Desires...things that we watch and hope for from our potential mate...we see in him the affection that every woman longs for...when we are dating (and sometimes early in the marriage) there is plenty of cuddling, of holding hands, of "catching" him looking at us, we see in him all the things we WANT to see, and we see them almost every time we see him (but this is b/c we do not see him 24/7 at this point)....we look at him and see all the POTENTIAL to be who we want him to be....then as weeks turn to months of marriage, or maybe even years, we begin to EXPECT things...."well i cleaned the house today, he SHOULD come home and cover me with affection..."...."I went out and started his truck, he SHOULD be SO greatful, he didn't have to get into a cold truck...".....when in reality we should do these things BECAUSE we love him, not because we want something in return...
as we are married for a while we take all the things that we desired and put them into a box of expectations and when these expectations are not met, we feel cheated and let down....we get indignant not only toward our husbands but to the God we know is also a man! (oh my did i open a box of worms?...oh well, its true ladies, He is a He and there is no arguing the point with me)....
we can live in a relationship full of "you meet my needs, i will meet yours" which often leads to rough times b/c at some point someone is going to be owing someone else, often that leads to one person feeling cheated and sometimes that pushes that person to make unwise, ungodly decisions in order to feel "even" and "whole"....we can live in a relationship where one person says "I am the boss, you will meet MY expectations" (not very often do they actually SAY this, but they "say" it with thier actions)....this also leads to one person feeling let down and wronged....never a good thing....OR, if you are a Christian, you can choose to live in a relationship that God has control over....
our happiness is NOT to come from man (or friends, or family) our happiness, our joy, our hope, our faith, our trust is to be in GOD....husbands, friends, family members...they are all wonderful, but they are here to help make us whole....Holy Matrimony is not just to be Holy, but to be made Whole through it...we are to COMPLETE our husbands....and our husbands are to complete us...this is why I believe opposites attract...God puts spouses in our lives that fill in the spots we are weak in....
so as wives (and yes this applies to husbands too, but c'mon girls we need to look to ourselves first and clear up OUR issues if there is ever hope of him clearing up his...) we are meant to do 3 things....we are to Complete our husbands, we are to Admire our husbands, and we are to Arouse our husbands if we are expecting them to be the men we desire and in order for them to be the men God wants them to be....
we complete our husbands by being what they are not made to be, we are to be the "love," the "affection," the voice of "reason" when their pride/testosterone prevents them from thinking rationally.....
we are to admire them even when we feel there is nothing admirable about them....let me ask you, did your husband go to work this week?, did your husband hug your children today? yesterday? this week?, did your husband get out of bed today? did your husband choose to be at home with you instead of out with someone else today?...these all sound like "so what" things, but many men fail to do any of this on any given day...so look at things that someone may not consider exceptionally admirable or may even consider expected, but we need to learn to expect nothing and be thankful for all....let him know you appreciated that he picked up his socks, let him know that you noticed what a great dad he is, let him know that you noticed that he is TRYING to complete one task or another....admire him and mean it....if you can't mean it, fake it til you make it...tell him you love him no ifs ands or buts....
finally something that feels "um uh..well" sometimes as mommas and as Christian women, we are to AROUSE him...yes ladies, we are to arouse our husbands...even when we are tired...even when we are on edge, even when our "needs" are not being met at the moment....(remember that the Bible says that God provides everything we NEED, so that means that if God isn't providing it for us, then it is a priviledge, a nice thing to have, and something we FEEL like we need, but it is not a NEED....we NEED faith, we NEED food, we NEED shelter, we NEED air....the rest is just icing....)...think of what power we possess...we literally have been given the power, from God, to BUILD UP OUR HOUSE as women! 2 quick examples of how arousing our husbands can build up or tear down...look at Delilah (judges 16), with her womanly ways she was able to convince her man to tell her the secret to his strength..she used her God given power to destroy her husband even after she was caught betraying him THREE times, he still broke down and told her something that would become his ruin!...on the other hand, look at Ester (book of Ester)...she used her beauty, her love, her womanly ways (even her seduction in a God willed way) to save all the Jews by being chosen queen and by holding much power over her husband!...we can use what God has given us to build or to foolishly tear down.....
I challenge you to remove everything from your "box of expectations" and put them back in your "box of desires" this week, but the REAL challenge is this, as Christian women, as God fearing God loving women let's set down our boxes of desires and purposefully pick up our husbands boxes of desires and make them ours....try it for a week or two...see how your perspective changes....don't go back to "but i am doing all this and he is doing NOTHING"....think "God, thank you that I am YOUR daughter, and that as my Daddy you are gonna bless me for being who I know YOU want ME to be...." (matthew 7:4-6...we need to clean up our own selfish selves before we think that our husbands can meet OUR needs)...when you feel the most frustrated, ask God to take that feeling, ask Him to reveal to you what He wants for us, then let it go....try it for a day, a week, a month....let me know how it goes...I will be posting soon on how it is going for me...I have tried this for the past week, but not whole heartedly!....so this week I am going to give it 100%....pray for me!

Love all of you, just b/c i don't comment to you, just b/c i don't respond often, know that I pray for all of you a LOT....most of you particularly by name....God has great things for us (men and women alike).....


Tuesday, February 27, 2007
so how did ya fare today? Current mood: Blessed!
Yikes, ok girls I kinda failed pretty bad today at setting down my desires and picking up his :(....so tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity....
I did, however read the book of Esther today in the Bible...pretty interesting stuff...you can read it online at http://www.biblegateway.com/, and the great thing is that you can read it in any translation (from the old king james version-with all the thees and thous-to the new versions in todays dialect)....
Ok, to facilitate my journey to being the woman I know I can be, I really need to get a grasp on what MY desires are and how they effect my family as a whole, and what HIS desires are and how they effect my family as a whole...now now don't take this as "oh well, my needs are not important"...i am not saying that at all, my desires are important b/c they are mine *smiles* but this is just a practice in trying to see Mike's side of the coin *smiles*....
MY desires (remember we have emptied our expectation boxes, so all we have are our desires now....)....Affection-I am a very affectionate person and I feel neglected when I don't get a LOT of affection...how does it effect my family?..hm...well if I am affectionate, it helps my kids (and I suppose Mike) feel loved and cared for, but if i don't get affection I can still choose to be happy and give it, I mean, really, c'mon, if i hug my family, it is hard for them not to hug back right? Attention- Oh yeah, I am definitely an attention ho....i LOVE to be thought of, to be talked to, to be doted on....how does this "desire" translate to good things for my family?...hm, i guess it doesn't, this one is pretty selfish...*lol*Prayer-sigh this is a big one for me right now...i WANT mike to pray for me, pray with me, pray about me....but, if he doesn't, what have I lost?...not much except whatever blessing I would get just b/c he loved me enough to pray without ceasing (oh yeah that IS possible, I will get into that some other time)...but i do know that i have friends and loved ones praying for me on a daily basis, and I know that God will take care of me regardless of who is or isn't praying for me....Communication- I am obviously a very verbal, fairly articulate person...mike is SO not like this...i WANT him to spend time talking TO me, not just "how was your day, fine, mine too, whats for supper, who's taking the kids where..." I want him to set down and say "hun, what are your fears, how can i help you overcome them?...what are your dreams? how can i help fulfill them?...." but will my family be ok if he doesn't? yeah...would they be better if he would? I think so, but like i said before, if it is an honest NEED God will deal with us on it and it will happen....Recognition- i want him to recognize and verbalize to ME when I do something for him or something that I am proud of...when i clean i want him to say "wow, i noticed you cleaned today" instead of "why isn't this done?" or "yeah but you know that there is so much more to do"....or with my workouts, i want him to want to be there with me and to support and boost me....ok so how does it hurt me if he doesn't? will it change the fact that I am growing and developing spiritually and as a woman of God? nope...
Ok so those were my main desires as best as I can explain them....so now what do i THINK his desires are (I am guessing here b/c the man refuses to talk to me about this)...A Very Clean Home- he is very proud of the time and money he has invested in this home, I am too, but for him that is evidenced by keeping it as clean as physically possible...he works full time as a police officer, I am a mom and a housewife...how does it help my family? well the kids would have a good basis for how to care for THEIR physical, tangible blessings that God has given them stewardship over...we are all also less stressed when there is not a mess...once I get everything to a place of being really clean, maintaining that should not be too hard...ok i can handle this one....Completing Things In A Fairly Quick Timeframe- he gets really aggrevated when he asks the same thing over and over..even though i might feel justified in WHY i haven't finished tasks and chores in a quick manner, there really is no real excuse and once it is done, it is done *smiles*...this would also set a good example for my kids and i get upset when they don't do things in a timely manner, so yeah, i can deal with this too....Watching My Spending- I used to be HORRID with money, but thanks to God I am gettign better and better...I think it would fulfill one of mike's desires if I find a way to bring in some income, but I feel it is important (and yeah this is one of my desires...sigh) to be here with Tink until she starts kindergarten...I will continue to watch my spending and I will look into ways to supplement his income...No Nagging- I know it aggrevates him to no end when i go on and on about any one thing...I try not to, but I get in a "me" mode and pick up MY box again and his box doesn't seem to matter so much...nagging is something that women like Delilah resorted to (in Judges it says that she bothered Samson "even unto death" so much so that he gave up his secret and in time his strength and blessing to shut her up)...I want to be an Esther not a Delilah...besides if what I am nagging him about is important to God's plan for us, God will deal with his heart and head more efficiently and completely than anything i can say every would! Sic 'im God....*giggles* just kidding...To Have a Physically Fit Beautiful Woman- I went completely downhill (racing faster and faster after each baby) after my first baby...I know I know, we will never be what we were "back in the day" but there is no excuse for complete laziness when it comes to fitness and health...I know he misses how I used to look, I know he needs me to be someone he can be proud to walk beside...ok maybe not NEEDS, but really desires...how will this help my family? once again, good physical and dietary habits will only help my family as a whole! yep i can do this one too....

Ok to most of you, you are thinking "sheesh, how can not having a spotless house be a 'sin' or outside of the will of God"...do you realize if I knowingly do (or don't do) something, and I know it is going to cause my husband to be troubled or angry, it is a sin b/c it has helped him to stumble in his walk with God! think what you will, but how many times do we think "fine, you don't do this for me, i will take care of numero uno!!! whether it bothers you or not!"...
as wives and women, we must become queens of self sacrifice in order to set the foundation for our husbands (and children) to do the same!....tomorrow I will post a passage from the Bible where it discusses what a woman of integrity is! She sounds like superwoman, but rest assured, as it says in Phillipians "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength"....which is bigger? my problems or my God?...how i choose to react to any situation really says more about what I believe about God than how i feel about what is going on...do i trust Him to be my all? do i trust Him to reward me for my devotion to my husband no matter what?...is He big enough to do all this? OF COURSE!....
so tomorrow....my goals....(after prayer and Bible study) make sure to go to the gym, pick up the house and see what I can accomplish in the basement, and TRY not to nag (say it once and leave it, how he chooses to respond will determine how God will deal with him)!...those are my 3 goals for tomorrow...lets see how i do :) how bout you?!

Feb 27, 2007
A good point from a friend about my blog entry
An issue came up today that I knew would eventually come to the table :) and in a way I am glad it did...I hope that all of you realize that these latest blog entries are not ONLY aimed at my married female friends, it is only being directed as such b/c I don't understand men to save my life! *giggles...but I mean that*...I am merely taking a stand to be responsible for me and only me...and to let no one else take responsibility for me...if i am unhappy or miserable or childish or mad or happy or giggly or any of that it is b/c i have chosen to feel that way....I love the friend who posted this reply to pieces, and a lot of that love comes from the love and support she has shown me over the last 3 yrs...we have a lot in common and one day we are pretty sure we are going to be inlaws :)....which just made me think of another thing, I am also choosing to look at things from this perspective b/c I want to set an example for ALL of my kids to learn by when it comes to marriage and how to treat your spouse...:)...so here was her comment to the "esp wives" blog entry and what follows her comment is my reply :) (I would not have posted this if it was sent to me privately, but it was a comment so I am guessing she won't care :)....if ya do let me know!!!! I love you girlie, you know it!!!!)

"Okay...girl not gonna post much here except that I am having difficulty agreeing with some of this you wrote. I am in the process of possible leaving Sean and I think it is high time the men/ husbands/ fathers realize what they are doing wrong instead of blaming the women all the time. We can only do so much to make them happy, but ultimately it is up to them. I am not going to do everything and take the blame for it all just for him to feel like a man....that is bull in my opinion. Not meaning to ruffle any feathers or anything, but I am sick of the women getting the raw deal in the marriage. If it is a marriage, it is up to both to make it work and not one person to carry the load...Love ya girl"

I understand where you are coming from and what you are saying...you know the trials I have dealt with and am dealing with...you did not ruffle feathers at all, and honestly i expected this response out of most of my friends...but let me say (and please take this in the way i am saying, just as someone who loves you and someone who has had her fair share of struggles in marriage) how is it the "raw deal" if you are in God's will?...God NEVER (let me repeat) NEVER WILLS divorce or strife in a marriage...He makes an "allowment" for it in ONE case and ONE case only and that is if your spouse has had a PHYSICAL affair (I am not just saying this, i promise it is all Biblical, and the Bible may have been written thousands of years ago, but it DOES apply in todays world as well...if it didn't God would not have said that anyone who adds to it or takes away from it were damned...it is an eternal word)..other than that one circumstance, the spouse that divorces is called "accountable for making an adulterer" out of the divorced spouse AND out of anyone who marries that person later on AND out of the person the divorcing spouse marries (it is in Matthew Chapters 5 and 19 and a few other places, if you want them i can find them....lol trust me I have looked into them all)... Now, do i believe that it is God's will for us as wives to be walked on? NO NO NO NO NO.....the only reason I addressed wives is b/c that is what I am and I was merely calling on other wives to give it a try whole heartedly....let me know when a good time to call you is, i have some stuff that i would encourage you to try or to read and pray on before you make any big decisions....but, having said that, GOD will deal with the men IF (yes IF) we choose to be godly women and follow His will and His commands from the Bible...it is trite and cliche but 2 wrongs don't make a right, so if my husband is not living up to his God commanded responsibilities as a husband does that mean God is going to excuse me for not living up to mine as a woman? nope.... I am not saying I have it figured out yet, I don't, I had a horrid time today...I lived up to a couple of my goals, but failed MISERABLY over a very important one (nagging, crying, moping) and in the process heard the words "I can't F**KING stand you!!!" from my husband....was he justified in saying that? no, but had I turned to God instead of turning to myself, that could have easily been avoided....Mike apologized, as did I and our evening was very blessed (we went and worked out together, ate supper as a family, and he went and rented a movie for us....)...he hugged me when he got up this evening and told me what a good wife I am and that he loves me....this was after I went to MY Father and said "this sucks, what can we do about it"..... Marriage does take 2, but how much better could the love of 1 make it? the true love...love that looks at him and says "ok I am only seeing the hurt he caused/causes me...Lord, help me to see the man YOU have for him to be..." its unconditional love and it is hard as h*** to live by, it is not a daily choice it is an hourly or even minute by minute choice....the Bible also commands us to take control over our thoughts, feelings, and emotions...we can't help how we feel initially but we CAN CHOOOOOOSE to handle it in a godly manner and trust me, it will make us all much happier (I have not been on any meds for depression or bipolar since the end of Oct, not saying that they are not useful or needed, but I am learning day by day to turn MY emotions and needs over to God...He will and DOES supply all our NEEDS)....I am not a Bible Beater, I don't push it on anyone, that is why I have blogged it, but I am a Bible believer b/c it is God's word and He cannot lie, nor does He go back on His promises like men and women do....He is perfect, as is His word and I am choosing (not only as a wife, but as a woman and a mother) to use it as my instruction manual to life...so far it has been the hardest walk in my life (the last several months i mean), but I have found more joy, more peace, more security, and more love from God than I was ever able to find in myself....and I pray for you and your hubby every day....I have a list of friends that get prayed over...I am taking the focus off of me, off of mike (and even off his faults), and putting the focus on God and what He says about everything...there is not ONE thing that can happen to me that is not covered in the Bible....I am finding that out... You are one of my bestest friends, and I love you so much for your love, support, prayers, and now I am praying for your understanding in why I said "wives"...it is a call to ALL married people, but I don't know a man's heart/feelings/desires/thoughts so I wrote this addressing women....I love ya girl!


UGH ok, i messed up, lets try tomorrow
went balistic over something that could have been totall avoided today...I got all huffy and bent out of shape and crying and screaming b/c i felt like mike let me down by not wanting to get up and go work out with me at 10 this morning....
keep in mind, he works 3rd shift, so this is in his "sleep time" but I felt like "he can surely just come home and sleep more after we go work out"....
so long story a lil shorter....
I asked him if he was getting up so we could go to the Y (we only have childcare there until noon most days). He moaned and groaned and put off saying no, but i could tell it was coming....finally he said "no, i dont' really WANT to, but i will if you really really really want me to"....without saying anything i left the room sulking but decided to go it on my own anyway...well i was going to get Tink ready and take her, but she was fussy so i thought i would just lay her down with daddy and she could nap while i was working out...she still takes a paci (I am not apologetic for this at all *pffft*...) and she had one earlier but it (or any of her 5) were no where to be found so on top of sulking i was getting aggrevated over this and I snapped at her...at this point mike snapped at me for snapping at her...so i snapped at him....then i started in with the "why don't you..." ...."why do you treat me..."...."why can't you see..." (keep in mind this is like doing this to me in the middle of the night when I have been asleep) so in short, i was nagging and focusing on what I wanted and what HE wasn't doing and on MY perspective instead of what God says to do (take ALL things to Him in prayer and supplication *supplication means humble earnest prayer with expectation and thanksgiving* i just learned that a couple days ago...lol)...bad things escalated and mean words were exchanged and everyone was left mad and miserable....a few minutes later we both apologized and with hurt feelings and angry thoughts we all 3 took a nap....before falling asleep I prayed and I THINK mike probably did too b/c later after I had already gotten up and when he got up it was like a whole different family....
I am thankful that I had this trial b/c it showed me where i need to grow more, but I am more thankful that once again God worked with us instead of letting this anger get even more out of hand...it was all very childish...i am just glad to be a child of God :P....

soooooo same goals tomorrow and going to try to acheive them....be prayin for me!



Feb 28, 2007
What IS love?.... Current mood: contemplative
Ok, today I am going to do MY Bible study online...:)...usually i do not turn on the t.v., computer, phone, anything before I do my Bible study (lol for me it is a "tithing" isuue...I try to give God the first of my day so that the rest of the day will fall under the blessing that God puts over the "tithe" and all that come after it :), but today I felt led to show you what God is working with ME on after my blog last night :) (to look deeper into what God tells us as Christians concerning love)...I honestly think it is bullcrap when people say "sigh, i just don't love him/her anymore...we can't help it, we just grew apart"...yes you may have lost that tingly, giddy, happy FEELING but as a Christian it is IMPOSSIBLE to lose love (read Romans 5:1-6, it says that love is poured out into our hearts from God through the Holy Spirit which He places in us...so IF you are a believer, you know that God's word is never wrong, therefore the Holy Spirit doesn't just come into our hearts, visit for a bit, leave when we get aggrevated or unhappy, and come back when we find someone else to meet our emotional needs...no, it is POURED OUT IN OUR HEARTS...it dwells IN us...dwells-lives-resides-stays not visits)...happiness is based upon circumstance, sadness is too, as is anger, frustration...but true joy and love are found only through God and it is everlasting (that is how as Christians we are able to be utterly depressed and still be able to so "He is going to bring beauty from my pain"...try to find the songs Beauty from Ashes by CeCe Winans-probably spelled that wrong- or Beauty from Pain by Superchick- my personal favorite...we have His joy and His love within us, and it helps us KNOW that we KNOW that we KNOW that we will come through the other side even when it doesn't FEEL like it)...wow, can ya tell God is really dealing with me on this subject?...

Dictionary Definition of Love (or what OUR world and times says love is).....Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source .. google_ad_region_start=def -->
love /l?v/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[luhv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun
..>
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. ..>
..>
2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. ..>
..>
3.
sexual passion or desire. ..>
..>
4.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart. ..>
..>
5.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love? ..>
..>
6.
a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour. ..>
..>
7.
sexual intercourse; copulation. ..>
..>
8.
(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid. ..>
..>
9.
affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor. ..>
..>
10.
strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books. ..>
..>
11.
the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love. ..>
..>
12.
the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God. ..>
..>
13.
Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing. ..>
..>
14.
a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L. ..>–verb (used with object)
..>
15.
to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her. ..>
..>
16.
to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person). ..>
..>
17.
to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music. ..>
..>
18.
to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight. ..>
..>
19.
to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover. ..>
..>
20.
to have sexual intercourse with. ..>–verb (used without object)
..>
21.
to have love or affection for another person; be in love. ..>—Verb phrase
..>
22.
love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets. ..>—Idioms
..>
23.
for love,
..>
a.
out of affection or liking; for pleasure. ..>
..>
b.
without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love. ..>..>
..>
24.
for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise. ..>
..>
25.
in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love. ..>
..>
26.
in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work. ..>
..>
27.
make love,
..>
a.
to embrace and kiss as lovers. ..>
..>
b.
to engage in sexual activity. ..>..>
..>
28.
no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers. ..>
[Origin: bef. 900; (n.) ME; OE lufu, c. OFris luve, OHG luba, Goth lubo; (v.) ME lov(i)en, OE lufian; c. OFris luvia, OHG lubon to love, L lubére (later libére) to be pleasing; akin to lief]
—Synonyms 1. tenderness, fondness, predilection, warmth, passion, adoration. 1, 2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause. 2. liking, inclination, regard, friendliness. 15. like. 16. adore, adulate, worship.
—Antonyms 1, 2. hatred, dislike. 15, 16. detest, hate.


What the BIBLE defines as Love...
I Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Footnotes:
1 Corinthians 13:1 Or languages
1 Corinthians 13:3 Some early manuscripts body that I may boast


Why is the english worlds "definition" of love, so much longer and obsure in meaning than the Bibles? because the original text of the Bible had 3-5 very specific words for the TYPE of love it is...I am not schooled in Greek or Hebrew, so please be forgiving here, but in those languages there is Love as in a mother to her child (philia in Greek), there is Love as in a friend to a friend or brother to brother (ie. compassion)(raham in the Hebrew, philia in the greek), there is the sexual Love which is the "feeling" or "attraction" or "that warm fuzzy feeling" which I know is called Eros (where we get the word erotica from), and there is the Love which Jesus had for the church (church being all believers and those who will come to believe) which is called Agape or unconditional all emcompassing love....
Ok, wow, i just found a great outline of Biblical love that explains it MUCH better than I ever could and gives examples...http://www.christinyou.net/Outlines/love.pdf....so if you want a better understanding of HOW we can have such an obsure take on what love is, look there and see how the english language has mushed all those words into one (I mean you don't LOVE your children the same way you LOVE that new pair of jeans you just bought...or the way you LOVE that t.v. show or movie...in Hebrew and Greek they had words for THOSE kinds of love)....
In the dictionary definition of love it says over and over "feeling"..."affection"..."sensation"....If we are believers in Christ and believe that God is all knowing, all encompassing, and all loving, we have to (yes HAVE to) believe that the Biblical definition of love is the correct one and it never says in the Bible that true love is a feeling or emotion it is a command and by the example set in 1 Corinthians 13 it is an entity of sorts!
In Matthew 5:42-44 (new international version of the Bible) this is what it says about loving our ENEMY...42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Love for Enemies
43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[b] and pray for those who persecute you,
Footnotes:
Matthew 5:43 Lev. 19:18
Matthew 5:44 Some late manuscripts enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you
If this is what God commands of us to do to our ENEMIES?! what more could He be asking us to commit to our spouses?
Now as a footnote, women are never specifically commanded in the Bible to love our husbands (but as CHRISTIANS and children of GOD, we ARE commanded to love!)...for us love is usually so in our nature (as nuturers) and is so taught to us from infancy (esp if we come from Christian homes or loving homes) that we already "get" how to be lovey (if not how to truly LOVE)...I will go deeper in my own studies on the role of a godly wife in the next couple days/weeks...
Anyway, I know that was a lot of reading and if you made it this far WOO HOO!!! *smiles*

add on to earlier blog today..
(this was supposed to be at the end of the blog that I posted just a few minutes ago, but for some reason when I try to add it there, it makes the display of my blog go all wonky so I will just add it here)...along with the news that so far today I have not stumbled in my goals! (lol yes it is only 9:35, but this is including the time since last nights blog, during which time I had several opportunities to falter...lol) are you all sick of me yet?
As godly women (or women who are STRIVING to be godly) we do not have to be martyrs to fulfill what God asks of us, commands of us, or wants of us...we only have to believe that He is bigger than our problems/hurts/anger...when we say "I give up, my husband is NEVER going to change, and I can never be happy with him" or when we say "I am not going to survive this, I can't deal with it anymore" or even when we say "UGH why won't he change (or do this or not do that or whatever" we are saying more about what we believe about God than we may realize....Is He bigger than any problem we might face? Is He really God and LORD over our lives?...if He is (and as Christians that is what we are saying when we accept Him) than we should be able to take a step back and say "Ok God, yeah You are a bit wiser in all this than I am and I know You will not leave me nor forsake me...I am trusting You and You alone b/c You are above all things and You love me...where my husband/my kids/my boss/my situation is fallible, likely to err, I cannot put my faith/trust/focus in them and that hurts, but I know that You are infallible and my hope comes from You...."....lol i know i know, easier said than done, but it is worth doing all day every day...
I love you all, and yes i mean LOVE...have a great day/afternoon/night....hugs!
****I used http://www.biblegateway.com/, http://www.dictionary.com/, and http://www.christinyou.net/Outlines/love.pdf as references today****

Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Yikes, one more for now... Current mood: blessed beyond measure
I have been questioned as to why I have left up my blogs that are depressed, the ones where I had turned things over to God and "he had failed (me)"...well there IS a very deliberate reason for it...
first it is b/c He didn't fail me...I failed me, Mike failed me, this world/this life failed me...God never has and never will fail any of us, He promises it...
secondly, I left them up b/c I don't want people to think that I am "such a strong woman" or "a better woman than (them)"...I am not either of those things...I am only a woman who is striving to let God put right what I made so terribly wrong...
finally, some of you know the struggles my marriage has faced, went through, and by the grace of God is finally STARTING to overcome, but many of you don't know...I am not going to go into detail, all I can say is that for the marriage between Mike and I to have made it this far, and for it to be the marriage you will all see it become, NO ONE is going to be able to say that it was b/c of Mike and I...it has HAD to be from God b/c the trials we have faced were not ones that I could have overcome using anything that is in my character or nature and the same is true with Mike....
Trust me, God has done and is still doing wonderful things and my early blogs are only a testament to how much God has already done...



Friday, March 02, 2007
Good Stuff....Good Stuff...:)
Good mornin'!!!!
Wow...the last 2 days have been a ride!
First off, I am getting better at reaching my "goals" for the week!!!! Not saying I haven't gotten mad or nagged in the last 24-48 hours, just saying I recovered quickly and went on with prayer and peace of heart!!!!
I only have a couple things to share from the last couple days of Bible study, but they are REALLY good, deep, "ah ha" moments for me :)...I have been trying to remember to pray for each and every couple that I know and for my friends who are not yet married that when they do marry that God really just pours out His blessing His wisdom and His love on each of them/you...on more than one occasion in the last few days I have literally been in tears during my conversations with God b/c I am so thankful for His provision and His willingness to allow us into His prescence on a continual basis...just think about it, if you got a call saying that Heath Ledger or Brad Pitt or Daughtry (or whatever his name is :P) or someone like, or even the President or your favorite candidate that wanted to meet with YOU, yes YOU YOU YOU in particular, how would you react? what if they said they wanted to meet you at 5 in the morning? 3? or maybe at midnight?! would you say "wow..um gosh, thanks but really that wouldn't give me much time to rest"...what if they wanted to meet at 2 in the afternoon? "hm that would be nice, but really i just don't have the time, ya know I would be at work and um...yeah well, thanks but sorry :(".....NO!!! you would scream and jump up and down and get heart flutters and start making plans NOW, that person would be on your mind every minute of every day....hm.....God is King of Kings, LORD of Lords...we are invited into His prescence all the time, any day any hour...and there are times He quickens in us that He wants to meet us at midnight, 3 a.m., 5 a.m.....but we find every excuse we can "the kids are being noisy...I don't have time before work, I would be late...I am too tired to pray in the morning, I am just not a morning person"....hm well maybe if we listen to His heeding the kids would calm down....He never said He would only meet us at home, go to Him as you prepare for work or even on your commute, pray in the morning and set yourself up for a stronger more blessed day....all I am saying is we have no problems getting excited over even getting to see our fave celebrities/politicians/musicians on t.v. yet we are not to worship idols (not even American Idols ;)..) we are to worship God....we should be so overcome with appreciation that He allows US, dirty, onery, goofy US into HIS prescence at all, let alone on an "anytime" basis!!!...but just as we do with our husbands and our children and our family/friends, since we KNOW He is there for us all the time, we take it for granted but try to always be mindful that it says in the Bible that if we do not take the time to know Him in life, that when it comes time to face Him, He will say "go away, I don't know you..." (that is REALLY paraphrased)...the point is IF we know Him as our Savior as our LORD, as our God 1 John 2:3-5 says "3.We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4.The (person) who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him:" and His word says that we are to "pray without ceasing" (praying is not just being knelt down head bowed, praying is simply the act of allowing constant communication between us and God), it also says to go to Him in prayer and supplication...
anyway, i got WAY off where i was going with my Bible study from the last 2 days (sorry, God is dealing with me in SO many areas that my redhead brain can't give one point without giving 3 others to back it up :P)
I have been asked "so am i supposed to just let my husband do nothing for me while I do everything for him...pray for him?! clean up after him?! meet his needs?!...I can't live like this forever, I want to be happy too...I am just not that strong" the answer to this question is YES, we ARE to do all that regardless of what he does for us and here is why (and how you can be happy doing it)....In Nehemiah 8:10 it says "....Do not greive, for the Joy of the LORD is our strength..." so if we KNOW that abiding by God's word delights Him, and we KNOW that His word commands us to do the things we have looked into during these past few days, then how can we justify NOT doing them and think that we will be any happier or that leaving our husbands or shunning them will prove that we are stronger women?!...we can't...if we truly want to be strong women, examples to our children we MUST be submissive to God...
you are probably thinking "oh no she didn't just use the S word..." yeah, i did...to submit simply means to willingly hand over authority...authority over decisions, authority over our hearts, authority over our lives completely...that is what it is to be a Christian, to willingly say "God here is my life, do with it what You want..."...as Christians that is superficially easy...but here is the clincher for us wives...listen to what the Bible says about submitting to our husbands...
Eph. 5:22 says "Wives, submit to your husbands AS TO THE LORD"...hm....so if we truly submit to God, then we should submit like that to our husbands...we cannot say "I have given myself to God" if we chose not to give ourselves to our husbands...and likewise, how we submit to our husbands says a lot about how we have submitted to God!!! this verse says "as to the LORD" so if we cannot submit to hubby maybe we are lacking in our submission to God?!...wow something to think about....
Ok I will return shortly, MY hubby is asking me to go workout with him....I will post the 2nd part to this when i get back :)....
Love all y'all!!!
that was at about 9:30 this morning...got back and it is a good thing i didn't just jump up and turn the computer off b/c something on here messed up and it won't post todays blog! so I thank God that I left this up (something I almost NEVER do)....
so back to where I was when I went to work out :)....
Now I know that some (and maybe most) of you might think "ok fine, but what if my husband is telling me tosubmit to things I know are wrong?! How can I submit to HIM and God?!..." well there is a verse that covers that too (in my opinion...)...in Colossians 3:18 it says "wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the LORD"....I get 2 things from this verse (feel free to chime in on ANY of the things I say on here, I am ONLY sharing what I feel that God impresses on my heart, I am NOT educated in the Bible, I am NOT in any way saying that the way I read it is the right way, I can only promise that I would not KNOWINGLY misquote or mislead!!!) but what I get from this is 1. that it IS fitting in God's opinion for us to submit to our husbands, BUT that we are to submit AS LONG AS it is not something that goes against God (such as letting other people into your bedroom intimately...yes a LOT of women are letting other women sleep with their husbands in an attempt to make the marriage "work"...this is NEVER God's will....or if your hubby were to tell you to go buy him some pot or something like that, we know that is not "fitting" in God's eyes....).....like i said, correct me if you feel I am wrong and I will promise to pray about it intensely until I get an answer :)....
I love getting feedback from all of you on this...so leave a comment or messege me, even if it is to say "whoa, hold up, you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO off base with this or that"....this is meant for us to be able to grow together, not to say "I have it alllllll figured out".....:)...If you happen to be a man reading this blog, feel free to leave YOUR feedback too...
Like I have said before, I love all y'all! "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart"....psalm 37:4....


Wooooooo freakin Hoooooooo
Ok, as you might read in my blog I posted earlier today, I was doing this part of my Bible Study this morning when Mike yelled down here and was like "if we are going to go workout we have to get going" (in kind of an aggrevated tone...the one that puts me in defense mode immediately)...I said "uh I am trying to finish my Bible study!"...he said "fine but I can't wait, if we are going to go work out we have to go now or I am going alone..."....not in a nasty tone, just an impatient one...
I had a couple choices here...my first thought was "daggonit!!!! he KNOWS my Bible study comes FIRST...sheesh, he is probably just looking for an excuse to not have to go with ME...." so as I am walking back to the computer I am kinda praying with my heart...all of the sudden I just felt this sense of "Go be with him..."....instantly I just had a peace and calm just befall me!!!! it was awesome!
So I typed on the blog that I was going to go work out...our workout was GREAT!!!! I feel so much better AND I had the opportunity to put into practice what I have been studying...I submitted to Mike's time frame (after getting the ok from God since it was cutting into His time)....by doing so without yelling and getting nasty, mike, tink, and I were all 3 blessed!
fast forward a bit (when we got home)....one of us needed to go to the store, take some money for a field trip to the school (lane forgot of course and it was due today), he wanted to go get his hair cut and i wanted to get down here and finish my Bible study (and I didn't want to have to get Tink in and out of the car over and over again....)....mike has to be at work at 2 so for him to get a haircut, he wouldn't have time to do anything else....i got SO frustrated and angry (I know it doesn't make sense, it didnt make sense to me even when it was happening!) I was pouting and fussing at Tink while i was fixing her hair...I stopped and ask mike to pray for me, which he readily did!!!!...ok I didn't get an immediate "phew, i feel better" but I did take a deep breath and finish getting tink and I ready....we walked out with mike and he put her in the car...after a couple more things he leaned in to kiss me *sigh* I went to give him our customary peck on the lips and he KISSED me KISSED me?! a long long wonderful kiss....
it sounds stupid but that kiss just made all the "UGH" go away....he also gave me the credit card so that I wouldn't have to actually get Tink out when I stopped to get gas :)....
I am just thankful that God worked with us and that we had a fairly stress free morning/afternoon!!!
BUT remember that when things start going good when you are doing God's will, that the enemy will come against you b/c you are a threat to all that ISN'T godly!!!! so if you are doing all this and BOOM, the day from hell rears its head, don't feel that you have failed, know that it is actually a confirmation that you are probably right in line with God!!!!